babalu's Page

Gender

Female

City

Dayton

State/Province

NV

Country (not County)

United States

Occupation:

Retired

I'm here to...

learn more about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit

Interests:

My Christian Family and friends and fellowship.

I'm passionate about...

learning more about God!!!!!!!

My story with God

it's a long story, and one of these days I will put my story down on paper, maybe today, I am not in the right frame of mind to start on it today though. Maybe writing it all down will help me to overcome my depression that doesn't seem to ever leave me completely alone.

Other stuff about me:

These past few days I have been in a pretty bleak place, due to a moral failure and have been there hundreds of times before over the years. But after listening to your teaching "The Slippery Slope to Moral Failure" I began to think that some of the problems I have is because I have never mastered fear, selfishness or pride, in greater or lesser degrees, when I was a child. I do believe that the root of these problems can be brought back to these specific areas. For I am very, very fearful, very selfish and though I didn't think so for a long time, very prideful!

My childhood, from 2 yrs to 12 yrs old, was filled with sexual, physical and emotional abuse. For years I was told that it was my fault, being told time and time again that nobody would believe me, I carried around the guilt until I was in my early 40's and some of it still exists. My personality has been crippled because of my early childhood programming, i.e.., paranoia, extreme self-doubt, reactions to situations & people, words that are said, etc., etc. My emotional inability, & lack of self confidence, makes it very difficult to cope with everyday life. I have become very reclusive, I don't go any where unless I have to, Church, hopefully, depending on how strong I can keep the facade up. The only people who I somewhat trust are my kids and they are really the only people I feel comfortable with, sometimes. Although since they have become adults it's getting harder for them to deal with me and all of my insecurities, which are sometimes extreme.
Since I have come to know the Lord, when I was in 1973, He has healed and will continue to heal me up, (Php 1:6 & Php 2:13) I am sure, I think. I have lots of doubts creep into my mind, but I try and trust that He is faithful and that He will accomplish what He set out to do in my life. I am 69 yrs old ( in Jauary I will be 70 yrs old)and it really bothers me that ( I think I have hit the highlights. I am not as far along the road of wholeness as I think I should be. And of course it's my fault, because of my moral failures. My Pastor and his wife are lovely people and they truly love the Lord and I love them dearly, but they are very positive people and they don't seem to understand. I know I am not the only one that has to deal with these sort of problems, they are sometimes so debilitating, and I guess why I am writing to you is to ask you if you have any other insights and/or suggestions, that you can share with me. As I was listening to you this am, it occurred to me that through prayer and study, the Lord has given you a great deal of understanding of mental & emotional illness, the route causes that result in outcroppings of irrational behavior. I sometimes think that maybe I am bipolar or schizophrenic, maybe paranoid schizophrenic, although when I look up the symptoms on the web they don't fit, I don't know what I am, I just know that the Lord could heal me if He chose too, is He waiting on me to pray the right prayer, to grasp the right root or what, ........ There is so much more I could tell you