Was making huge progress with God... hit a brick wall. Is this the enemy?

[Debbie]

I have been studying the word everyday, some day's in excess of 12 hours. I can't get enough because I "thought" things were starting to make sense, and I've learned things I could have never imagined. There was a light that came on and a peace I have never felt. I was always quick to say I had read the Bible, however this is the first time I have actually studied the word. But yesterday I read a post that left me feeling "in the dark again". Is this the enemy or for a lack of a better term "am I fooling myself"? I've failed in so many ways, can God use me, does God love me...or have I failed "too" many times?
Debbie

[Debbie]

Dear Greg,
Hello, thank you for responding. You've brought some very interesting things to light. I grew up in the similiar situation. Nothing and I mean Nothing was ever good enough, and now that I think about it most of the things couldn't have been done any better. If it was perfect it still wasn't good enough... I'm looking at the bigger picture now. I was trying with all my might to please people that didn't want to be pleased. That was why I loved staying with my grandmother she was a wonderful person and when I was with her and my uncle I didn't feel any ties to expectations.(she introduced me to God) Oh my goodness!!! I just realized to this day 5 of these people I am still trying to please (so I can feel accepted)...first I only need to be accepted by God, pleasing to Him and bring glory to Him, second...if God "wanted me to please" these people it would have been done by now right? So here is another situation I am giving to the Lord. I want them to be happy, I want them to know God but there unhappiness and negativity doesn't belong to me. I can't fix them only the Lord can. (I love these people and pray for them) (my Dad, Mom, Grandfather, Grandmother, and sister) I never realized what a heavy load that is. I dare to say "I don't like to see people unhappy", but I can't make them happy.

I confess my sins and I know a sin is a sin, it's the same for everyone. I think I go a little overboard though with myself I know I'm too hard on myself, which goes back to the perfectionism. Not big things...for example if I forget to return a phone call and it's too late, I will be beat myself up. I'm praying the Lord help get that way of thinking into balance.

Studying the Bible has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. The Holy Spirit has been at work. God has filled many holes in me: sin, weaknesses, sorrow, pain, lonliness. Jesus carried those for me so I wouldn't be weighed down and I feel so incredibly blessed that He is in control of my life. The Lord spoke to me one day, "the holes were created to be filled". I still have more and I have faith that one day they will all be filled. Every time he fills a hole, He tells me what I needed to learn from the experience. I praise God from the bottom of my heart, He has taught me to forgive others and myself (which I was having a really hard time with), because it doesn't matter how bad the situation or circumstances were, He knew all along that it would eventually be used for good!
Glory To God. I can't praise Him enough, I don't have the words. I'm close to tears right now. The way has been difficult but when you begin to "SEE" the "TRUTH" for what it is instead of blind by all of the lies, what a glorious thing.
Again, thank you so much. May God Bless You!
Love in Christ,
Debbie

[Greg, TheNET Coordinator]

You're welcome, Debbie. It is encouraging to see the things God is showing you. You're on the right path and just where God wants you to be at this time.

[Charles Burwell]

Debbie, It is never a bad thing to study the word of God. It is one of the best ways for God to communicate with us. I know exactly what you mean about having read the bible for so many years yet at times seem to have no understanding at . I have know the Lord for over thirty years , I have very likely attended thousands of church services, revivals and the like. I also had the opportunity to attend bible college for awhile. I have been involved in various types of ministries in the eastern Us and have attended a number of different church denominations. I say all this, not to try to make myself out to be someone but to let you know that in all our efforts to gain knowledge of God we sometimes seem to fall woefully short of having learned anything. I had found myself in that situation many times. Please allow me to pass on a little information that has been helpfull to me. 1) whatever you do don't allow yourself to persuade that reading the scriptures is not benefitting you 2) I have learned some of my most endearing things from God during the most trying of circumstances. Many times God makes the scriptures come to life in these times and ,as odd as it may sound, these are things that become your strongholds in you times of trials and testings. It's just the way of things that someone may argue what you 'have a knowlrdge of' but they cannot argue when you have personally experienced something because you don't need anyones confirmation to give you confidence in what you just saw happen. A good example of what I'm refering to is in the ninth chapter of John's gospel. Jesus healed a man who was blind from birth. The pharisees grilled him on how it happened and why it was done on the Sabbath. After the miracle was verified by the man's parents the churchleaders keep asking how?, who? and why. The man himself marveled because he knew that he was healed and no one but God could have healed him. Now the leaders knew the facts but they simply refused to accept them. The man was thrown out of the synagogue for his stand. He wanted to report a wonderful thing that should have made the leaders rejoice, instead he was thrown out of the synagogue and verbaly mistreated. I have related this incident to illistrate that there were certain things that the man 'knew' about God that could not be shaken because the man had experience the confirmation from God Himself. His final testimony , if I may put it in my words, he said" I don't know how it happened, but I know that I was once blind and now I see and He (Jesus) did it. Jesus later rewarded him for his confidence in standing against those would deny Jesus and the miracle. My friend , when you read the word and seek for , and allow God to bring the truths of His Word to you then you will have the same confidence that the man had who risked all because he knew what and in whom he had believed. Ask God to confirm His word to your heart and don't worry about what any other may say or do His word will never abandon you. Never stop studying with a prayerful heart. May God speed you on your way and preserve you until the day we meet him face to face.