Intrusive thoughts, in need of help!

[Cheyenne]

Hello all once more on this morning....

I have posted a blog about my suffering of intrusive thoughts because of my depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder....well, when I woke four in the morning, a terrible image struck my mind and has continued to bother me so. The thought is feet swinging off the floor, like someone got hung, and the someone is who I wish could have been me, instead of my Saviour Jesus.... I feel like I committed a sin so terrible, God would take away the Holy Spirit and would not ever forgive me, and that Jesus is hurt and does not want to look my way any longer. I feel like a criminal and I prayed for forgiveness, to rid these thoughts from me, and begged Jesus to stay inside me, never to leave. I am afraid that I hurt Him and that my seemingly empty hole I feel in my heart, like there is no emotion for me to describe.... I have spoke to many wonderful people here about it, now I feel that I have turned from Jesus, and it bothers me....

I am sick of living in fear and having these thoughts, I want it all to end and escape to Heaven, if only I can. Please, help.

[Deserey Lynn Markwick]

Dear writer,
I would like to help you but I'm not sure why you feel that you've fallen away. Or why you think God will leave you. I would not dare try to speak into your life without understanding first why you think so. I don't need to know the details just to have an understanding of where you're coming from. If you could please clarify.

[Cheyenne]

That thought against Jesus is only one of the many that have been plaguing me for about a year now....I wrote a blog that kinda spoke about the origin of my prolems and how they might have developed into this. I feel it is my fault I have such thoughts and that it means I left Jesus and I am not His anymore....I wish I never had these thoughts and lived like a normal Christian, I want to feel that I always had, and always will, belong to Jesus....but with my numbness of feelings and these intrusive thoughts, I feel left behind by the Holy Spirit, with only myself to blame. I prayed over and over for forgiveness and do not let these thoughts keep coming back and to feel that intense passion and love I have for Jesus and God....but I do not, and I feel it is all my fault.

[Deserey Lynn Markwick]

So let me make sure I understand. You have already asked God for forgiveness.
If it was me I would set aside time in prayer. I would during this time ask God to reveal to me any area in my life that I need to set straight. Write down a list if you want to and ask God to forgive you of these. Are you a christian? Do you have a Bible? Start looking up scriptures on forgiveness and other encouraging scriptures. I go a lot off of the concordance in my Bible for finding these scriptures (I have a terrible time remember where scripture verses are found.). If after asking God for forgiveness for what you need to correct, then if you still feel that way understand that our minds are a battlefield. If Satan can get you believing that you are unforgiven, you are not saved, you are seperated from God's love, whatever it may be your feeling then he has you where he wants you. If we believe that then that is how we will start living whether it's true or not. That is why I said look up these scriptures. When you start feeling that way bind satan and start speaking those scriptures. This all winds down to have faith. I cannot stress enough that you are in a spiritual battle. After you have dealt with what you need to and have truly repented then you are forgiven. The Bible says there is no condemnation. . . .
Also another thing you might look at is God will forgive you when you ask but you also need to forgive yourself. Has this helped you or am I misunderstanding what you are saying? I pray that I have helped. Please let me know. I will be praying for you. Another suggestion is that you should find someone (your pastor or someone you know is a strong christian) to talk to about this. They can pray for you and help you in what you need to do.

[Ron Payne]

Hi There Moon Willow,

When you believe that God or Jesus would forsake and give up on you, then you and not God is saying that.
One must concentrate on what Christ went through at Calvary In order to save each one of us. It has also been said that if there was only ONE sinner on earth, Jesus would have still paid the exact and full price for that ONE PERSON.
It is impossible for one man to have the power to extract himself from the Love of God in Jesus. when that person has accepted Christ as his or her Saviour, through repentance of their sins.
You may discard all those thoughts of Jesus leaving you. He loves you just as much as He loves the rest of us. None are excluded.
This is what faith does, faith in Christ believes this promises when He says I will never leave you nor forsake you(Hebrews 13:5}
God has made the same promise: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." (Isaiah 1:18)
These are the words and promises of God and Jesus and we have a further promise in the New Testament where God has promise us eternal life "which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began; (Titus 1:2)
So any one, be it another person or the devil, who would tell you that you are forsaken or lost, that person is calling God a liar. You need not join them by agreeing with them. Rather stand firm and anytime you have doubts, then say out loud, shout it if you like:
"MY GOD HAS PROMISED ME THAT HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME, HE HAS ALSO PROMISED ME ETERNAL LIFE, AND MY GOD IS A GOD THAT CANNOT LIE

Doing that my friend is called: "Putting your faith into action."

Be Strong in the Lord and Believe God rather than any man or even your own doubts.

Bless you - Ron

[Cheyenne]

Hey guys, thank you for replying.

I want to say first of all, Yes, I am a Christian. I have been one since I was only five years old. I do proclaim Jesus Christ is my personal Saviour and Master.

All of those are wonderful ideas, and things I need to do more often....I pray to God for guidence, protection, forgiveness, and to see what is clouding my view of the truths....to show that I am not lying to myself or to Jesus when I continue to say over and over under my breath and mind: "I belong to Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit will never leave me, no matter what...." I also feel hesitant, like in my heart (as best as I can describe it, forgive me if I am frustrating you all by me not making much sense) whenever I search for passages and words that say Jesus died for me and loves me. I hope it is nothing wrong and it is just my anxiety....I want my love for Jesus to be eternal, and I pray that I will see that it is.

I wonder if I should take a lot of alarm with my intrusive thoughts, my feelings of hesitance or what I feel as indifference (I mean the numbness or hole in my heart)when it comes to spiritual health.

I know I am in a spiritual battle, but I scared I would lose my hold and love on Jesus from it all. It scares me.

[Ron Payne]

Hi Moon Willow,

It's not YOU that's holding onto YOU, YOU don't have the ability...... You made the committment to invite God into your life, God in return has promised
WHOSOEVER cometh unto me I will in NO WISE CASTE OUT. Jhn 6:37 It is God that is holding onto you.
So put all those negative thoughts behind you and speak only the positive.
Ron

[Austin Richard.S]

Hi moon, Don worry, I was also suffering from same ocd+depression, I know you and I felt your feelings myself.. Anxiety is the main reason for your thoughts and it is enhancing your thoughts..
No common people understand your feelings except those who are suffering from ocd… So don’t listen to them if they are telling about bad spirit, Satan etc…

As my experience, I want share something, it may help u

1) We won’t loose our salvation, because God is faithful, He bares us by shedding His blood. He only chosen us not we.. Our relation with God is everlasting. He chooses us in womb and also before world made… He made everlasting testament with us through Jesus Christ .. He chooses us not by our good conducts but by Grace…

2) No one can separate us from His love.. “For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Rom 8:38-39 RSV)

Ocd is a psychological disorder due to serotonin imbalance… it is passed through genes (inherited disease) … God knows ur weakness before u born that’s y He chosen you… because “ But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;” (1Cr 1:27)

I know you are facing difficult to console your mind… those things which difficult to console leave it…

Moon treatment is there, don neglect.. it s mental illness caused by physical illness( deficient of serotonin in brain)… don worry u will recover soon after u getting treatmt.. search n Meet a good psychologist who is comfort for you…. Am always here for you . Am a believer … Love u in Jesus…

[Austin Richard.S]

Hi Moon Go for psycologist only if your condition is not managable..... Otherwise don Go ...Read psalm then u will come to know Devid was also suffering from anxiety for few days..

[Cheyenne]

Hey, Austin, this is Moon Willow,

Thank you so much for your posts, I am so happy I can meet someone who has been going through the same illnesses that I have. I do take medicine (citalopram) and went to see a counselor for it, which did help....but I still worry if anyone who has OCD and depression had the same thoughts and obsessions I did. I also say a small prayer to God whenever I get a chance, like asking for Jesus to stay with me always and keep the Holy Spirit in me. I have read a few the psalms and knew that David may have also suffered from depression. I know I need to keep reading them.

Thank you again, I would like to talk to you some more about this, very much....

[Kathleen]

Dear One in Christ,

I suffered for years with the same thing. Horrible Horrible Horrible is the only word to describe this kind of oppression. It is demonic....without a doubt. Somewhere along the line they got into to you, now you have to do battle to get them out. The thing that helped me was a letter from a Christian counselor telling me that I could either believe what the Word says, or believe the oppressing spirits. The battle was in my will. You have to NOT believe your feelings and fears and STAND on the Word. If you chose to believe your fears, emotions, and oppressing thoughts......then you give the devil permission to put the curse on you. But if you confess the Word and rest in it which has been promised to you......the devil cannot control you and his power fizzles out. I used to run in fear...in my mind when the blasphamos thots would assail me....but once I learned to stand my ground.....the oppression began to subside.....so much so that today I am almost completely free. Praise the Lord. I believe the Lord allowed this to teach me many things.....mainly to not trust in my feelings....but to trust totally in the Word. I pray this helps you my dear. Just turn on the devil and bind him in Jesus name and confess the promises. Set your feelings and emotions on the shelf. The devil will cower down....and slither off. Blessings. Take courage. kmcbrazil