Trying to stear a way from feelings of revenge

[Mandy]

I really thought i had this down. When people at work wronged me or questioned my abilities; I did well not to anger. I thought I had a hold on this. I found out my daughter has been being picked on, bullied and being sent hate messages as well as threating ones. I brought it to the counselors attention at school and asked them that I wanted no repructions, just that this would end. They said they would intervene.
However when they "investigated" they decided that my daughter must have initiated something to get this girl so upset and claimed her to be respobsible. The school counselor even went as far as to call my daughter "unchristian". I am so anger at the system, all I wanted was a stop to this and instead they persicute my daughter. They interigated her 4 times in school that next day without my knowledge, took up fer phone to see what type of text messages where in her phone.
The thing that really frustrates me is that the notes given to my daughter; I did not turn in as evidence, because I myself and my daughter talked about and she said she did not want that and she just wanted to end it.
Please give me some guidance. I have asked God to forgive me; because I had thoughts of revenge at the school adults who where suppose to stop this. Why did they just drag those girls in and have to treat both of them guilty. I thought school counselors where mediators to help prevent hate. Not judges to place judgment on these children. I am really working hard on not being angery. I am asking God to please take it away.

[Bob B]

forgiveness

forgiveness

We talk about forgiveness quite a lot.

Forgiving is beneficial to our spirits.

Forgiving makes us better people, we hope.

It deepens our connection to the Lord. It is a part of our obedience to Him and His Word and a part of following His example.

Unforgiveness breeds ugliness of spirit

--- anger

--- sin

--- resentments

--- bitterness

Its twisted fruit diminishes our lives --- and wrecks the lives of others around us.

THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY

I am all in favor of forgiveness

--- forgiveness for me

--- forgiveness from me

--- forgiveness dwelling deeply and sincerely in my heart

--- forgiveness for others

--- forgiveness from others

--- forgiveness dwelling deeply and sincerely in others' hearts.

But it seems to me there is a lot of confusion about forgiveness

--- what it is

--- and what it isn't.

Forgiveness does not mean denying there was a genuine offense.

It does not mean ignoring someone else's sin or offense.

If there was no sin and no offense, there cannot be forgiveness at all because it is superfluous ---- unnecessary.

Keep in mind that forgiveness does not mean allowing someone with a history of mistreating or abusing you to continue to mistreat or abuse you again and again.

Welcoming abuse back into your life is in no way a part of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is giving up your right to take revenge.

It is allowing God to be the One Who takes up your cause and deal with the offense and the offender.

Forgiveness may even include allowing the legal system to try and punish the offender if laws have been broken.

Forgiveness includes completely laying aside resentments and grudges and receiving healing and peace in your heart from the Lord.

It does not necessarily mean instant restoration and reconciliation of relationship with the offender.

Forgiveness might not include

--- and maybe should not include

--- allowing the offender to intimately be a part of your life again unless or until there is a change deep inside that person's heart.

That change should include remorse and regret but those alone are not enough to restore or reconcile with someone who has abused or mistreated you badly.

The change must be deep and include repentance -- a turning away from the ways that brought about the offense.

Only then can restoration and reconciliation be a possibility.

[Rori]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BOB. Ya know, I too...have been working on forgiving a life time of abuses and every day is a struggle to love those who have hurt me so badly. Everytime is see or hear something like you wrote, it is like hearing it for the first time. God is so cool and you are ALL so very special to me.

[Teresa]

Hi! Sis! It's Aunt Teresa. I found your webpage.

Goodnight.

Teresa

[Theo_the_bard]

I had a personal revelation, regarding "forgiveness." It may mean little to others, but God knew it would be perfect for me. See, I really like to give gifts to people, espeically little surprise ones for seemingly no reason. And it hit me one day that the very word "forgive" has the word "give" in it. And when you forgive, obviously the person does not deserve it. (that's what grace is all about.) So, now I think I can deal with it better. However, it is always somewhat more difficult when it's your children who are the object of the incident, more than yourself. I'll be praying for you about it. Once time it took me four years before I let go of unforgiveness regarding someone whom I poured out my life to help, only to get stabbed in the back. Of course, objectively I knew I had to let go. However, I let my emotions enslave me, rather than make them serve me under Christ's Lordship.

[christopher lingk]

Mandy,
God bless you during this situation. Boy can I relate to your situation. I've got two boys in gradeschool who seem to continually have problems at school. And like you, I become veryyyyy angry when I percieve that my sons are being "wronged" unjustly. As christians, we must remember that life is sometimes more than the 'apparant' problems we see......."For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12. Often times these problems are spiritual in nature and God may be attempting to work things in us that we are not aware of.
Sometimes, how we react as parents to these problems teach our children how they are to react according to God's word. I for instance have chosen too many times to go down to the school and start yelling and accusing the administrators of condoning the negative behavior of 'other' children. Now, I've set a bad example to my children by acting this way. They see me not dealing with the problem as God would have me do. So, we must not be "stirred to wrath" too quickly I think. Probably best to take the problem to God first and ask Him to give us the strength to deal with the problem in a Godly manner. Easier said than done I know, but we must LEARN to do this.
Perhaps looking for alternate methods to remedy the problem might help as well. Take it upon yourself to maybe take your child to the individuals involved and ask them if you might have a word with them. It's never easy for the child probably to have to 'confront' the people who are causing them problems........but maybe even have your child apologize to the offenders if they did anything to make them feel bad. Not that your child did anything wrong mind you, but often this will shame the wrongdoers into seeing the error of their ways.
It's tough living as a christian parent. The world might view us a 'weak', or 'wierd', but we must try to do as God has commanded. I believe God will honor our efforts in the end. Stay strong mandy and for the sake of your children, show them how God wants us to act in all situations. I believe in the long run, God will bless them and you for it. And I'm going to work on taking my own advice too !! LOL !!
God bless you mandy,
Christopher

[Bob B]

Theo The Bard, and Christopher Lingk I love your responses to Mandy’s question. It is true to forgive is to give forgiveness; I believe forgiveness is a miracle. I have been able in my lifetime been able to give forgiveness and I know it is the grace of God in me that gave me the strength to do this. I have found that the closer the person is to me the harder it is to forgive; maybe it is because I put this expectation on them that close people don’t hurt you.
One of the ways I have affectively dealt with unforgiveness is to pray for those who hurt me. The word says to bless them that curse you and pray for them that despitefully use you. It is exercising our consciences to be free from offences (unforgiveness).
I know it is the last thing we want to do is to pray for those who hurt us so deeply. That is where obedience to and trust in God’s wisdom comes into play. It will take some time, but our heart is changed in prayer.
It is a spiritual warfare that we are in. Satan knows if he can trap us in unforgiveness we are not going to be any threat to him. I have found that it is one of his most affective ways to hold us in bondage. But we are not ignorant of his devises. It is a battle none of us can afford to not triumph in. My Pastor has been teaching on 1Cor 13 lately. He said take the word love and replace it with Jesus in me is…
The Love of God is poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit. And we have strength beyond ourselves to beat the monster of unforgiveness in our lives