My problems with my husband of 38 years

[Gertrude Lulabelle Liverpoor]

I have been married for 38 years with the last year my husband and I have been separated for 9 months. We started drifting apart ( or so he says) and he started seeing a woman at work who ended up becoming more than friends. For the last 9 months he has been seeing her and does not want to come back home and work on our marriage. We have been to counseling that didn't help. The counselor said there was no sense in continuing the counseling because you can not rebuild a marriage with a triangle (my husband, myself and the other woman). I have talked to him about reconciling for months but he refuses to listen. Actually, he listened but then he tells me that he doesn't want to come back to our marriage because he is happy where he is now. He says our marriage was dull and unexciting. He says the relationship he is in is very passionate. The woman he is seeing is also married and has been separated from her husband for a long time. I have been praying for him constantly but nothing has worked. I know that God is working in my life but I don't understand why he refuses to come back to the marriage. I told him that I would never try and work things out with him as long as he is seeing another woman so he said that he wouldn't stop seeing her so right now I don't know what to do. I am frustrated, angry and unhappy. I continue to pray for him and I ask God to remove my anger and bitterness. I don't know what else to do since he refuses to come back. Actually, he did say he would come back but if he did it would only be out of obligation and because of finances. He is struggling keeping the mortgage payments, etc. going at our house and also at the place he is staying. I told him I didn't want him to come back because of those reasons. I told him I wanted him to come back because he is committed to the marriage and wants to work things out. He is not willing to even try. I would just like to talk to someone about what I am going through and to see if there is anyone out there in cyberspace who has gone through what I am going through. BTW, my husband is 57 years old. At first I thought it was just a midlife crisis or just a fling but it has gone on for 9months and it doesn't look like it's going to end. I am trying to go on with my life as best I can but it is so hard. I need prayer and more prayer. I know that all things are possible with God.
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[Rori]

HI Lillie Walls
Thank you so much for sharing...I hold tight to Foot Prints in the Sand and the Serenity Prayer.
I so understand your pain, and struggle daily myself with a husband who will not return to the marriage...I pray to God ALWAYS and leave it to Him. I can do nothing.,..Iam so weak, I cry alot and pray that God keeps me moving forward. I have no words of wisdom because I am so lost in my own darkness right now but I will keep my faith that God has a wonderful plan for me. God bless you dear. I am so glad God brought you "into The Net" with us. It is the best place on earth (outside of my Church family) that I have ever found.
Your sister in God's Love,
Rori

[Heatley]

Hi Lillie and Rory, I'm at a loss too, as my wife walked out as well, and she a Christian Woman, and those that helped from the Church! I've been to see her a few times but she ends up demanding her list be fulfilled, so I don't know, maybe a mental illness thing. I get a lot of comfort from Job. Yours in ChristStephen Heatley.

[Gertrude Lulabelle Liverpoor]

Hi Rori,

I have been where you are...crying all the time....feeling sorry for myself. I know that God has plan for my life as well as yours and that he is working it out right now. I will not stop believing because I know that nothing is impossible for God. God is changing me in ways that I never thought possible. I am no longer in darkness but have been brought to the light through my spiritual relationship with the Lord. I invite you to find wisdom and understanding in God's Word. He will get you through the terrible storms and plant your feet on higher ground. Don't stop praying and believing. I will pray for you too.

Yours in Christ,


Lillie

[Rori]

Thanks Lillie,
As I read your messasge, God spoke to me and said "Baby Steps" One of my character defects we speak of in recovery. I forget this alot. I love God so much and KNOW He is always here for me (even when I get too scared or too busy to hear Him) it is usually the FEELING Him with me that I sometimes have trouble with, if that makes any sense. I am working on softening my hardened heart because that is ultimately what God wants isn't it??? My heart??

[Gertrude Lulabelle Liverpoor]

Hi Rori,

You are right. God does want your heart but he also wants you to love him with all your heart, soul, strength and mind. Trust him and he will help you. You need to put him first in your life and you won't have time to feel sorry for yourself. You will be led by God's Spirit and you will be praising him all the time for all his goodness and all his blessings. I know you are hurting but God can heal your hurts and he can bring you out of the depths of despair. With God all things are possible. Believe me, I have been where you are.

[simaho]

lillie walls
remember if you i doing some thing good, god always watching you,ther`s no any problem tha god can not solve it. i,m telling you that,keep praying god always hear you prayer,one of the day,you ll see you husband back. i`m praying for you in case of our problem we hahe. god bless you
and welcom to the Net

[Judy]

Hi Lillie,
While reading your story I thought someone put my story in here, I was also married for 38 years, I came home one day my husband and his clothes were gone, we were married at the age of 14, I had never been alone, we had 2 grown daughters and 5 grandchildren, I hoped he would come back home, he had another woman in his life also, someone so very different than myself, It has been 5 years, I sometimes still wish he would come home. He does not see his children or grandchildren anymore, his friend stole my identidy and ruiend my credut, however she was charged with a feloney. My heart still and probably will forever ache and want what I had, but I need top remember what I had is no longer, he is not the same person, so what we need to do is remember it's what we had not what they are now, we don't want that. My heart is with you.
I will pray that you may heal somewhat, because we never get over someone that we were with this long.
God Bless you. Remember we are strong because we have to be.
Judy

[maggie hancox]

Oh dear!
the relationship for him with this woman will be exciting..it is exciting to play with fire...until you get burned!

he does not hold value for you as a husband should, and even though you know this, I wonder if you relize your value to your Father most high!
You are his daughter, his precious possession.

This possition you are in is taking your power from you, or rather you are letting your power be taken.

God does not want you to be powerless!!!!

Give this problem to God, that is all that you can do. Step away from this situation, give it to God and pray ernestly.

Draw closer to your Father most high, get to know HIM as your most important man in your life, get to know his true nature that will never change, for he is the same today as he was yesterday and he will forever be the same.

If you make God the head of your household THE FOCUS then things will as romans 8:28...says all things work together for the good of those who love him and live according to his purpose.

God hears your heart, he hears your crys and your fears and he has better plans for you then even you can dream up!!

Please listen, put the focus and energy you are putting on your husband on GOD on getting to know him and his ways and watch as you realize that God is the giver of good gifts.

I can not say if your husbands heart will change, I know that all things are possible with God, but who knows the plans of the Father. Maybe he has better plans that will bring you much more joy in mind.

Let your Father guide your steps, learn of his true nature and trust in it, all things will follow.

I know it to be true that what ever situation you face that when God is the head of your life then you can live joyfully dispite your troubles. I will pray for you.

[mawee burgos]

just let go of your bitterness and anger, god will make a way in his own right time...hold on ad keep on praying for your husband to his other woman.....may god bless you..im just new in this sight..i do hope i can have so many friends i can on here whenever im weary, disturbed and hopeless.....



mrs . mawee

[Gayla]

Dear Lillie... As I read thru the posts, I see you growing stronger and stronger.... in God. Praise his name !!! He can carry you thru this storm, and put you on solid ground, just keep your eyes upon him. He wants to be your husband.... and when he is, he will NEVER LEAVE YOU, NOR FORSAKE YOU..... HE WILL STICK CLOSER THAN A BROTHER..... HE IS NOT A MAN, THAT HE SHOULD LIE.

He can bring good out of any bad situation, keep your heart and mind steadfast upon him, and upon his word.....

Look to him, when you are up, and when you are down.... he is the same.....and changes not. He will be there for you.

Let him have the problem.....and receive his solution.


Be blessed..... in Him.

[Roberta Perez]

Hi Lillie,

I just read your blog. And i want to send out my love and prayers to you and your family. Iam so sorry to hear what you are going through. Just remember that God does hear your prayers and in time you will hear him. I remember that someone once told me that God answers our prayers but it doesn't mean it was the answer we are looking for. God is in control - not us.

God Bless and you are in our prayers

[Stephanie]

I am so sorry you are in this mess too. My husband and I have been seperated for 3 months. He also had and is having an affiar. It is easy to be angry at him, but I try to tell myself everyday that I love him. I am confused as to what God wants me to do. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. All I can say is you are not alone. I will be thinking of you and keeping you and your husband in my prayers.

Stephanie