Need help letting go...

[Michelle]

I was involved in a relationship with an unbeliever. 2 years ago he left me for another woman with whom he had a relationship a number of years ago. He is living the life he promised me with her and I do not know how to forgive him. I have had no contact but I hear things about him through various avenues. Each time I hear something it feels as though I'm am back to the day he left me.

I know that I had to be broken to be brought back to God, I know that all of this was to break my will and that no good would have come from a life with him. All these things I know but the memories and conversations of when things were good are burned in my mind and as hard as I pray and as much as I read my Bible and attend church I cannot let go of the hurt and betrayal that I still feel.

I also know that I don't want to be alone but I will not be in a relationship with an unbeliever. I also know that until I move on from this I don't think God will bless that desire in my heart. I know that I can't do these things on my own, I feel weak and undeserving even though I know that its not what I do but what God does...I have no idea how to get through or past this...and I want to so very much...

[Nienie]

Michelle
There is no easy way handling these kind of questions adn problems in our lives but there is one way that always is the best way. Turn your whole life to God, seek Gods face with your whole heart, walk daily with Him next to you, read the word and seek His will for your life and HE will show you how to handle and deal with all these issues in your life, if HE could do it for me HE will surely do it for you!
We are here to encourage and help you and pray for you! Just take one day at a time and trust GOd with your whole heart for HE wants you to be happy and have the good things in life as John 10:10 said and Jer 29:11.
Praying for you! Many blessings Nienie

[inibehe]

My dear sister,
I know its painful but there is no need crying over spilled milk. He was not the one for you. It was being unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. God will bring the right person for you,but honour Him( GOD ) with your body. Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Be more commited to God's business and wait patiently for Him. Prayers and more prayers of faith will bring fresh smile on your face.God loves you.
inibehe.

[Greg, TheNET Coordinator]

Michelle, thanks for writing and sharing this with us. It appears that even though you recognize where your former relationship was headed, you are still grieving its loss. That is normal and natural. It is also normal to feel hurt and betrayed. No one can put a time limit on how long this grieving process will last for you.

Having said that, I also have to say that forgiveness is a choice. You may not FEEL like forgiving this person, but forgiveness is choosing to let them off the hook for any pain they may have caused you. You are not hurting him by harboring resentment and bitterness. You are only hurting yourself as I'm sure you know.

Every time those feelings of betrayal pop up, say to yourself, "I choose to forgive _______ for hurting and betraying me. Lord Jesus, heal this place in my heart." Perhaps you also need to "forgive" God for the breakup. Ultimately, God orchestrated the breakup because he wanted to spare you from future misery - the "no good" you mentioned - and draw you back to himself. Your eternal life with Him was that important!

Make the concious choice to forgive this man and the FEELINGS of forgiveness will come later. How will you know you are healed? When his name comes to mind, you will not have an emotional reaction.

Reflect too on how you were not a helpless victim in all of this. You chose to enter this relationship knowing that it was not the will of God to have a partnership with an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). Think about how you hurt and betrayed God by breaking his command and living independently of Him during that two year period.

You mentioned reading the Bible and going to church. That is wonderful! Do you have any close relationships with other believers in your church? Do you have a small group where you feel safe to share these kinds of feelings? Don't isolate yourself. You need to develop friendships with other women where you can share these feelings and get the support and prayer you need to overcome them.

Healing is a process and it takes time. Thank you for your commitment to do what pleases God. It may not feel good now, but God knows what you are going through and has a wonderful reward waiting for you!


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I will be found by you," declares the LORD."
(Jeremiah 29:11-14).

[christopher lingk]

Michelle,
I can feel the pain in your heart from reading your post. I feel led to tell you something.........God cries tears with you michelle. Because you are his beloved child and He loves you more than anything. God cares about everything in your life michelle. Just as a father cries for the pain of his children, so God is saddened by your pain. But God loves you SO much that He wants the best for you. He wants to give you one who will love you with all of their heart and being. One who will never try and hurt you, and one who will always be there to lift you up when you are down. God wants the best for you michelle. And He does have a plan for you. Be patient, thank Him each day for His love and mercy, and wait on the blessings He will bring to you.
God loves you more than you may ever know michelle. There are things which He wants to teach you. God will restore unto you a happiness in your life, and give you a partner with whom you can serve God with in all holiness.
It will be o.k. michelle. Use this time to learn things from God. It can sometimes be a blessing to have lots of time to dedicate to God without the cares of the world crowding in. I pray that you receive a peace from God about your situation right now michelle. I know that many on this site are praying for you as well.
Don't forget...your Father in heaven loves you more than anybody on this earth can. He is there for you michelle.